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Category: Love Languages

Who’s Speaking your Love Language?

Posted on 02/15/16 by DaleWilsher No Comments

Blend500Last week I gave a talk to a MOPS group on the Five Love Languages.  We looked at the different dialects of love that each of us speak and understand and how that plays out in relationships.  We all agreed that it’s not easy to learn a new language like Acts of Service when you’ve been speaking Words of Affirmation all your life.  It doesn’t feel natural.  It doesn’t feel normal.  And many times it doesn’t feel necessary when we think that our loved ones should give and receive us just like us, right?

Well, wrong.  Each of us have our own love language or combination of love languages that must be spoken in order to fill our love tank and when we’re not spoken to in our native tongue we can feel unloved, unappreciated, and unseen.  Some of us live like that for a long time–noticing and practicing the love languages of others but not getting filled up in return.

So who is speaking your love language?

 

  • Well first of all do you know what your love language is?

Read this post from last year to learn more http://daleskram.com/category/love-languages/

 

  • Who have you told about your love language?

If no one knows what your language is, it’s not likely anyone will be able to speak it.  Tell your spouse, your children, your friends, and your extended family what makes you feel loved.  Give them specific examples.  They are not mind readers and are not supposed to know you better than you know yourself.

 

  • Have you noticed how God has been speaking your language all along?

Be on the lookout for all the many ways that God has been speaking your love language.  He didn’t create you with a love tank that could not be filled.  And He didn’t place you at the mercy of others (especially when they are feeling dry) as your only source of love.

For you Acts of Service girls, think back to all the ways He’s helped you or done things for you.

For you Words of Affirmation ladies, read in His word when He speaks personally to you like “I have loved you (put your name in here) with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3

For you Gifts girls, remember that every good and perfect gifts comes ultimately from your loving Father. What are some of the wonderful things that He has given you?

For you Physical Touch gals, be aware of all the times He has touched you through the hands of others.

For you Quality Time chicks, keep in mind all of the intimate conversations and experiences you’ve had with Him when He’s given you His undivided attention.

 

I hope each one of you had a wonderful Valentine’s Day.  This year was one of my best.  But I’ve had other years that weren’t so special.  If you made it through the holiday but your love tank still needs to be filled, look to your heavenly Father who promises to meet all your needs according the riches of His glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19) for your generous supply of love.

If you would like help discerning your love language or those of your loved ones, feel free to contact me at dwskram@me.com.

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How Full is Your Love Tank?

Posted on 02/14/15 by DaleWilsher 2 Comments

love_tankToday, Valentine’s Day, is a great time to ponder this question, How full is your love tank?

 

But first, did you even know that you had a love tank? According to Gary Chapman, therapist and author of The Five Love Languages, we all have an emotional love tank, that is invisible to the human eye but felt by the human heart.

 

How full is your love tank? can also be translated How loved do you feel?

 

On a scale of Empty to Full, how loved do you feel?

 

If it’s a good day you might feel full or at least at half a tank, but if you aren’t feeling seen, appreciated, or cherished you might be running on empty. So what’s a girl to do? How in the world do you fill up a love tank?

 

Gary Chapman believes that each person (child and adult) has their own unique love language, a method of giving and receiving love, that when “spoken” will fill up that tank. So the first step to filling up your tank or the tanks of your loved ones is to determine what your love language might be.

 

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There are five love languages:

  • Acts of Service
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Gifts
  • Physical Touch
  • Quality Time

 

If you feel loved when someone washes the dishes for you or helps you out in a tangible way, you probably speak Acts of Service. If compliments and verbal encouragement make your heart swoon then you are a Words of Affirmation girl. If thoughtful gifts of any size make you feel loved and valued, then Gifts is your language. If a hug or some type of caring touch can absolutely make your day then you speak Physical Touch. And if just spending time with a loved one, whether sitting on the couch or chatting it up at Starbucks, gives you that wonderful feeling of connection, then you are a Quality Time gal.

 

It’s important to understand how you receive love so that you can teach those around you what really matters to you. Let them know a ten minute face to face conversation means infinitely more than a bouquet of roses or vacuuming the living room says I love you even more than a great hug or kiss. Love, if spoken in the right way, is a lot less mysterious and difficult than we thought.

 

And be on the lookout for all the many ways that God has been speaking your love language. Think back to all the ways He’s helped you or done things for you. Read in His word when He speaks personally to you things like “I have loved you (put your name in here) with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3 Remember that all good gifts come from your loving Father. What are some of the wonderful things that He has given you? Be aware of all the times He has touched you through the hands of others and all of the intimate conversations you have had with Him.

 

Then share the love.

 

Become a student of your husband, your children, your parents, and your friends. Notice how they express love because that is usually the same way they like to receive it. If they always buy you sweet little gifts or speaking kind words, that is their primary love language, the way they both give and receive love. Notice what hurts them the most. Is it critical words? Is it when they don’t get time with you? Is it laziness? The way that we receive love is also our Achilles heel, the place we are most sensitive and vulnerable to a lack of love. Tread lightly in these areas.

 

When we speak the language, we fill the tank.

 

Take an online quiz to determine your love language or check out one of Gary’s books, The Five Love Languages, How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, and The Five Love Language of Children.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I hope someone special speaks your language today!